Enter: Linda, Jacob, Carlos, Berenice, and Lola.
Carlos: I’m sorry I didn’t get to your red velvet cupcakes.
Linda: Oh, don’t worry about it.
Carlos: Believe me, I wanted to. I was kind of hoping that the birthday cake would be something boring like just chocolate so I could be like “No thanks, I’m grabbing a cupcake!”
Linda: Yeah, but then you saw it.
Lola: Oh my God, that really was amazing!
Berenice: Yeah, but so rich! I’m really full right now.
Linda: Have any of you ever tried Better Than Sex Cake?
Lola: Oh yes!
Carlos: No. What is it?
Linda: OK, it’s chocolate cake mix, and you bake it with chocolate pudding so it’s extra moist. Then you pull it out and you poke little holes in the cake. Then you take a Heath Bar and crush it into little pieces and fill the holes with them.
Berenice: (laughs) Linda, the way you’re describing it with you hand motions, if I was just watching you and not listening I’d totally think you’d be describing some sex act!
Jacob: I know! You’re going like this when you’re “poking holes” in the cake!
Linda: (laughs) Oh my, I’m sorry, but I just really get excited when I talk about this cake!
Linda: OK, so then you cover the whole top of the cake in caramel sauce. Yeah. Then you cover all of that with whipped cream after it all cools. Then you take more Heath Bar, crush it into even small pieces and sprinkle it all over the top.
Carlos: So, is it?
Linda: Is it . . . better than sex? No. It’s not quite that good.
Jacob: I suppose it wouldn’t be as appealing if it was called “Almost As Good As Sex” Cake.
Carlos: Or “Not As Good As Sex, But Still Pretty Good” Cake.
Linda: When I serve it to my kids, I call it Abstinence Cake.
Berenice: Do they even know what that means?
Linda: (laughs) I’m not sure!
Carlos: Here’s an idea. You make a really, really terrible cake, like just God-awful disgusting cake, serve it to your kids and call that Better Than Sex Cake.
Linda: (laughs) Oh, OK!
Jacob: Yeah, bake it with tuna or olives or something!
Carlos: And then when they’re like, “Aw, this is terrible!”, you can say, “You think that’s bad? Well sex is even worse!”
Linda: Yeah, that should do the trick!