Albany, N.Y. – At 5:37 p.m. on April 23, 47-year-old Ryan Kyzinski heard the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard in his life. Kyzinski was caught off guard when the moment came. “I was just flipping through the radio stations in my car and I came across this news interview,” says Kyzinski. “The interviewee was some hack shill for the governor who said something about cutting retirement benefits for some state workers being good for the state in the long run. And there it was! The most ridiculous thing I had ever heard in my life! I even said so out loud.”
Kyzinski’s wife, Karen Kyzinski, was riding as a passenger in her husband’s car at the time. “He said it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard in his life,” says Karen. “I was floored! I was like, ‘Really? Are you sure?’ He said, ‘Yeah.’ So I made note of the time, because . . . wow, what an historic moment! The most ridiculous thing he had ever heard in his life, and I got to be there to share the moment with him!”
Kyzinksi’s family is already planning a large-scale celebration to mark to occasion. “This is will be bigger than our wedding,” says Kyzinski. “It only happens once. You have to celebrate it!”
UPDATE: Jerry Wozniak, next-door neighbor to the Kyzinskis, is refuting Kyzinski’s claim as to the reported radio interview being the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard in his life. “Just last week, we were arguing about the [Buffalo] Bills,” states Wozniak, “and I said they should think about drafting another quarterback, and Ryan said that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard in his life.” Investigations into this claim are still ongoing.