Olbermann News Network Fires Keith Olbermann


February 12, 2013

New York, NY. – After months of public bickering, the Olberman News Network (ONN) announced today via press release that it has cut ties with its star attraction and founder, Keith Olbermann.  This marks the third time in less than three years that Mr. Olbermann has uncongenially parted ways with a cable news outlet, the first from which he himself had started.

The press release, authored by ONN president Will McManus, details many of the disputes between the two parties already made public by uncovered emails and Mr. Olbermann’s Twitter posts:

“Since the beginning of Mr. Olbermann’s relationship with ONN, there have been severe disagreements with regard to various technical aspects of his show.  These disagreements have led to a number of unprofessional outbursts on the part of Mr. Olbermann, to include profane tantrums during production meetings, numerous unscheduled absences from his show, and on several occasions biting members of his staff on the face.  We here at ONN like to hold ourselves to a level of professionalism that Mr. Olbermann would not adhere himself to.  Therefore, after serious and thoughtful discussion, we have determined that there is just no place at the Olbermann News Network for people like Keith Olbermann.”

Mr. Olbermann wasted little time in responding via his twitter account, @WishICanLickMyself.  In a series of 140-character posts, Mr. Olbermann blasted ONN and vowed to take legal action:

“Can ONN even consider itself a news network???  It should refer to itself as a HACK network!  Its (sic) full of hacks, losers, wannabes, and never-will-bes!  From Day 1, ONN was f***ing everything up!  You all saw it!  Nothing but amateur bullsh** every broadcast!  The network was a joke from the word go!  I apologize to the vast legion of fans for staying with ONN for as long as I did and thereby forcing you to watch such boorish buffoonery night after night.  Make no mistake, this hackjob tyranny will not be tolerated.  I will be filing suit as soon as I can find a lawyer still willing to take my cases.”

ONN was founded by Mr. Olbermann just three months after he was fired from Current TV.  The network, which is headquartered and run entirely within Mr. Olbermann’s two-bedroom Queens apartment, started off promisingly, with over 1.2 thousand viewers tuning in for the network’s first airing of “Countdown With Keith Olbermann,” an impressive number considering the network only reaches one-seventeenth the television markets that Current TV reaches.  Ratings took a quick slide soon after, however, and the show has been averaging a mere 0.4 thousand nightly viewers since the start of the year.

Mr. McManus, who is also Mr. Olbermann’s roommate, announced that Mr. Olbermann will be replaced in the coveted 8pm time slot by Ronald Jacobson, the apartment building’s superintendent.  As of press time, there is no word on whether Mr. McManus or Mr. Olbermann will be moving out of the apartment.


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